Catching up, reading everyones blogs is warming and inspiring! I miss all my yoga friends, I miss those 10 days of yoga training that felt so much like a "me retreat." Life seems like it's running by fast, especially when you feel the guilt of not blogging since August! Things are feeling slower, heavier, and much more lazy these days. I'm another fellow yogini, lucky enough to have a child growing within me! Have I mentioned feeling lazy...and heavy. Walking has been my exercise, the couch and TV my greatest friends! And I usually am not a TV gal. So this new state of being hasn't been awesome in ALL ways. I've definitley fought many aspects of it, and find myself trying to figure out why, and when, and how things are happening. I'm trying to let them just be. So today I went to only my 4th prenatal class in almost 4 months. It was wonderful. The best part is partaking in calm beautiful energy of pregnant ladies. And feeling my body engage and react to poses I think are "easy", in a way I've never felt them! Being pregnant is really a good yoga lesson. While it's easy to get consumed , it's also a blessing to be constantly reminded to all that is going on within you. And then to remember, you really can't do much about it, but let it just be that way. Our bodies are amazing, I'm daily touched by the reality that my body is creating another body! Wow!!! I am blessed!

Just wanted to put a pic of my honey on my blog...he is my love! Recently I've been in a yoga slump. Not been going to yoga as much as "i should" and wishing I could suck it up and do a home practice. The negative, self doubting voice in my head is telling me I don't know enough to have an effective home practice. What a load of bull*&!@# Then this alien-like, majorly intrusive knot is hanging out in my upper back that makes it hard to move my head! I'm being gentle with my body, and trying to listen to it.

One a positive note, I just taught my 3rd yoga class to about 5 of my co-workers. It has been a great experience, I can see why Kira said "start teaching right away." There is something about being able to hear and feel your voice fill a room, and see how people react and respond. My co-workers have said many positive things about our class, but I continue to let that voice in...the one which tells me things like "you say too much, you don't really know how to make a class flow." Where does this evil voice come from? I am learning some really cool lessons teaching. I know that like all things in life, it will get better with practice, and feel more authentic as I get more comfortable with it. This is one of the many things that is teaching me patience right now. And breathe....

My cats teach me some valuable lessons...one is about just relaxing and being. Right now, my kittie Raven(the one pictured) is sitting on my belly looking up at me as I write about her. It's neat to spend time with animals, because they just spend time with you, thats all. They don't really require much else...what a nice relationship!

Needles

Today I had my first acupuncture visit ever. I've been toying with the idea of getting poked for a while, and finally put the ball in motion... so today it happened. After a pretty extensive assessment of me (including examining my tongue several times), we began. I really liked Gretta, the acupuncturist. She was very reassuring and affirming with all my concerns. She made me feel safe, which I'm learning slowly makes all the difference for almost anything in life. Feeling safe with your partner, safe with co-workers, safe with the crowd of sweaty yogis and so on. I had a number of internal aches, some joint issues, and also a desire to get preggers. And, on top of all that, a quickly building mess that involves a close family member in a whole lot of pain. So, I felt beyond open to the experience. One of the neat things I experienced was lying there, as she created a warming sensation by burning some chinese herbs and charcoal, in a vessel above my belly. (to help rid my abdomen of some left over toxins she felt were maybe left over from a previous surgery) I tried to be aware of the many places she had placed the needles, and was especially aware of the one in my upper belly that was feeling as if she was somehow slightly tugging at it...she was 10 feet away thought. "I try to place the needles, and then be as uninvolved as I can...let the needles do the magic." says Gretta. She explained to me that I was feeling the "fish taking the bait" or the qi connecting to that particular point of focus. It was very cool. I'm learning many new things recently, especially that there are many ways to fix, heal and mend ourselves. And a lot of the time we have the power and ability to do that all on our own. With things like yoga, eating right, surrounding ourselves with positive people, having faith and trusting our instincts. I hunger to keep learning. I feel grateful to have the experience to learn and grow!

"Be still, and know that I am God"

This is one of my favorite Psalms. It has been resonating within me a lot lately, in many different ways. Being still is something that doesn't come easy for me! I used to describe myself as an easy going person. The more I thought about it, I wasn't that easy going, and it really bothered me. Still does. I have periods of ease and relaxation, but it's usually when I'm actively engaged in something. I think I used to engage in so many things to distract myself from the stillness, and what truths it may bring. I still do this, though not nearly as much. I don't think there are as many "truths" I'm trying to avoid anymore. This is comforting. I still struggle with this concept of stillness, though. It is possibly the most valuable lesson I learned during my "yoga retreat" (aka teacher training). Finding the stillness in myself, to open up the space for other things to flow in.
So, even now as I sit here feeling cramped up in front of my computer, I'm thinking, when can I be finished with this. I'm wanting to re-read and edit all this stuff. But why? This is what is coming out, this is blogging right? I don't like what I write, its rambling to me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I find myself wishing I could blog like others. Comparing. Not being still at all!!
So, I need to wrap it up, and maybe just let it be for tonight. The main thought I had about the psalm was the part that says "...and know that I am God." I think we could insert anything meaningful in there. Just trusting to know that someone or something is present for us, and letting it be whatever it needs to be, can bring that stillness. So I will try and let it.
Good night!

I was getting ready to try out my teaching skills out on Ian, and quickly I had two eager takers. They seemed pretty relaxed, I must have done a nice opening right? Feeling a bit of a void this week with out the yoga school as part of my schedule. Lulu's yoga school will forever have a special place in my yoga geneology chart. The reality of my regular daily schedule seems somewhat like a sportscar cruising slowly at 35mph. Although I feel my life is wonderful and I am very blessed, I can 't but miss the intensely close knit group I was able to sit knee to knee with, for those wonderful 10 days. I miss all your wonderful spirits! I will hopefully see you all again! Remember Tara in your prayers, chantings, mantras, good vibes...for she will wed this weekend!

xoxo

Buzzy and Smooshy

Today was extra buzzy and smooshy.  We were doing a Yin yoga practice, sitting in postures for about 5 minutes.  We were simultaneously learning about the chakras, the senses, elements...I'm feeling somewhat like I feel when I train for a new job.  All this information is swirling and twirling up about my head, and it's hard to articulate and digest right away.  A wise woman reminded me today :) , that I will remember what is important to me and what I need to remember.  I just fight with myself, because I let my impatient side yell and scream "I want it all to happen now!" And then the quiet voice that is peaking out (because I'm all loud and noisy inside) , remembers that it will happen when it needs to.  And then I hear Kira, Ushi, or Alana's smooth calming voices...such wise women!  Today, as she lead us through yoga poses,Ushi told the part of the story of Haunuman ? and how he was taught about trust.  I'm having such totally different yoga experiences than I've ever had!  It is making me hungry for more of those experiences, so I can find the yoga which fuels me at this moment in my life.  Ahhhh...and then the closing session at the end of class today, I felt a euphoric "buzzy and smooshy" feeling as we finished off with a meditation exercise.  I want to stand on a mountain top and tell everyone, "you gotta try this!"  Thank God for experiences that open up doors we never knew we were knocking on!

Try this again...I just finished a blog, thought my resistance to doing it was strong!  I don't know why, I think the experience is swirling in my head, I almost have a hard time putting my thoughts into words I feel like sharing.  But, the blog didn't post and now it's late and I'm frustrated.  A bad combination.  I felt lucky to be taught by Arturo today!  Learning about connective tissue was something I needed right now, it's amazing how something so complex can be taught with such clarity.  I continued to feel enlightened.  Really!  It has been so long since I have felt this kind of energy!  I feel blessed!  More later, when I can wrap my head around all this buzzing inside of me.

Did I mention that it was hot?

I'm involved in a yoga teacher training in Ojai, CA.  Today is day 6 of 10 days!  I was lucky, with my fellow trainees, to get to experience a sweat lodge this evening.  I feel it would be a disservice to go to much into my experience, I'm finding it hard to express the feelings surrounding it.  I had no idea what to expect.  I tried to come with an open heart, and an understanding mind.  The sweat was way more, way beyond... exceeded my expectations.  Much like this yoga training has been.  I can only say that, lying on the grass after we had all come out of the sweat lodge, looking up at the approaching full moon, under a large oak in a friends backyard, was MAGICAL!  I'll leave it at that! 

 I'm feeling aches and pains this week, that are peeking out in the most peculiar ways.  My daily training has been inspiring to say the least, and has re-acquainted me with my body parts.  I'm constantly quieting the inner chatter that goes on in my head, and trying to just hear, really listen.  And even more, trying to speak from my heart, not just speak to say something. Yeah, I'm learning to teach yoga poses, but it is way bigger than that.  I'm creating new thoughts about myself, about yoga, about my relationships with others and the world.  What more could I ask for?  

Good night for now...